Why I Rotate My Shoes Every Day

I don’t own these shoes. This is not a picture of me at my desk in my futuristic boardroom that never ends. But the socks do look familiar. Perhaps I’ve sent a picture to myself from the future when I’ll have some pretty sweet shoes, an endless board room, a plethora of stripy pants and, in true me style, the same socks I’ve had for the last fifteen hundred years. That sounds like me.

And that’s why I rotate my shoes every day. I literally have a shoe rack in my walk-in-robe and I take off my shoes at night and rotate all my shoes one to the right and then place the shoes worn that day in the spot reserved for the most recently worn shoes. Thus, I have a pair of shoes that have been longest unworn ready at my toe-ger-tips for me to wear the next day.

Think of it this way if you will. Shoes are like different ingredients. Your shoe-wearing habit is like a massive feast of a meal. But some people say ‘NO!’ to eating a delicious, full-of-variety buffet of shoe wearing habit and wear just the one pair.

My issue with you is nonexistent because you do what you want. They’re your shoes. But when it comes to my shoes I could never do this. Not because of the fashion faux-pas of wearing the same shoes eternally. Ooops, running into a teeny drop of hypocrisy as I realise I wear the same socks eternally. Let’s move on and not make a big deal of it.

The real reason I could never be a one-pair-chair (is that a saying?) is because wearing one pair of shoes is an escalator straight up to worn-out-shoes-land. It’s like eating the same ingredient nonstop every day. I love rice but feed me rice for fifty weeks straight every meal and suddenly rice and I aren’t going on any holidays together.

No, I rotate my shoes every day because of three wondrous, significant and worthy-of-your-readership principles that will change your life, do the nappies of up to ten of your children and dab the corner of your mouth when you take an overly-optimistic bit of a chocolate croissant and then get distracted by the goodness. Yes, these principles could just be THAT good.

  1. Many shoe. Long time.

I’m not sure why my numbers are sitting over there to the right like penguins on a beach in Florida – out of place and making people who care a lot about animal-well-being very disconcerted. But I’m gonna pick up my skirt and go for a prance over towards where I was going before that formatting nightmare.

‘Many shoe, long time? What do you mean my blogging wonder-friend?’ you ask with bewilderment in your eyelids. Well, when you rotate your shoes rather than wearing one pair like Bill Clinton walking around with an undeniable sense that peeps are still judging him for the lewinski debacle, you avoid suddenly realising you’re wearing shoes that now look terrible. Your favourite pair which used to light up your life and the lives of your thousands of friends, colleagues and farm animal friends, are now nothing more than a blob of rubber that hangs around the general area of your feet.

The problem is now you’ve got an EMERGENCY! ‘Quickly!’ you scream to yourself when the realisation hits like a chimpanzee fighting a robot for a banana farm. But now you’re stuck between a rock and a hatstand. Instead of having time on your hands like the Guinness world record holder for most watches on one arm, you’ve got to sprint to your local and buy anything that resembles fashion and strap it under your ankles.

Not me. I rotate so I can dictate the terms of my shoe purchases. I buy when I want, what I want and at a price that would melt a space ship before it even hit the atmosphere.

2. Yo look good, yo look great.

Now the formatting has hit a new level. It’s one thing to put a number indented and then de-indent the next paragraph, but to put my next number back in line where it should have been? Shame on you WordPress.

When you wear different shoes every day and rotate ‘yo look good, yo look great’. You heard it hear first but once you rotate, I promise you with the abundant supply of goodness that can only come from a cheese that changes your life and tantalises your tastebuds – ‘try it for yoself’.

3. No choice, yo Royce.

Is your name Royce? If so, this is not for you. It is for everyone else though. Sick of choosing every morning what shoes to wear? Walking around in your wardrobe or flittering your hands around in drawers like a blind peanut addict through the bars of Brooklyn? Well wander no more.

If yo rotate, yo don’t need no choice Royce. Suddenly the shoes that are ready to be worn are waiting for you and ready to slip on your toes. Pick em up, put em on and race out the door with your arms waving wildly to take the day by surprise and do your best. You can do it. You’ve got the shoes to do it. Now just go and do it.

Are you inspired? I am. Rotate your shoes like me and then make sure you tell someone how much you love it. Tell them how shiny your favourites are because they’re being rotated not assaulted by constant wear. Go and tell your favourite tree if you’re so inclined. Shout it at a person you’ll never see again. Whisper it to a llama at an idyllic country farm.

But don’t tell me cause I don’t care. I just like rotating my shoes.

Erry day.

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